Phases.

Emotions. Always screws things up.

Having to admit to something is always the most difficult thing. I should know. I couldn't even muster up the courage to say it all.

Rina M. told me earlier how she talked to people at the office. About what happened to me and my ex, and how well i'm holding up despite... (I can't believe they talked about it that much behind my back though...) The conversation of course emanated from her own situation-- she recently broke it off with her boyfriend because 1.) She found out that her boyfriend was really worried she was gaining weight and 2.) She found out that her boyfriend was more interested (with the help of his friends) in another girl, who happens to be a triathlete. So i told her a thing or two that i learned and still learning from my experience.

1. Go through the phase. Go out, drink and be stupidly merry. Make out with a complete stranger and numb the pain. A friend once told me, "'do' lang ng 'do' until the pain goes away." lol. That was his philosophy on how to heal a broken heart. I guess it's true in some way. Distractions are always a faster way to get over something.

2. Have fun. I was with my ex right after college, and though it was a painful experience getting dumped for a younger version of myself, I realized that this is actually the first time I get to enjoy being single as a yuppie! Young enough to be stupid and old enough to be responsible and capable of paying for stupid things.

However, every action always results in a reaction. Cause and effect. There was only one thing I warned her about. Emotions.

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Phase.

noun. 1 a distinct period or stage in a process of change or forming part of something's development : the final phases of the war | [as adj. ] phase two of the development is in progress.

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One goes through a phase for a reason. There comes a turning point wherein in it shifts to another stage, progresses in another phase. In other words, it ends at some point. As to how it progresses depends on a lot of variables. The after-break-up phase happens. I told Rina M. not to fight it and just go with the flow. To enjoy every bit of it and have fun. The only disclaimer is, never get emotions involved. You'll lose. You always lose.

But then, as I told her, before you know it, your phase ends. Whether you like the outcome or not. You wake up one day and realize it's over. It can be the best dream you've ever had, or the worse nightmare.

I knew my phase was too good to be true. I woke up one day and realized that the best dream i've ever had was also the best lie I created for myself.

My phase is definitely done. Unfortunately, I got to the point when I became emotional. Cause and effect. I did it again. To myself.

What I purposely neglected to say tonight though was simple. "I just wished the choice was me."

- Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like it's your last.