Remembering (naman) why i like my school

This being my last year, and in fact my last semester in Ateneo have so far brought me nothing but stress... and more stress. The other day, i was in the brink of a breakdown. It was thursday. My school decided to follow our Monday schedule of classes due to the frequent holidays falling on that day. My teachers for those monday classes however, felt that they no longer hold their classes. Ergo, i didn't have classes last thursday. Hurrah right? Wrong. At the end of the day, i felt so burnt out! I was stressing about school, the people, my friends, my supposedly special friend... and even my future. It was a minute case of panic attack. It was a time that i felt alone. My closest friends were (1.) out of the country, (2.) in their dorm, or (3.) busy with work! I was left with no one to talk to. No one to air it out to. I was so pissed off, i couldnt even write about it at that time.

So what was a girl to do? Out of desperation i took the more aggressive action-- i called up Claire and told her i'll pick her up in Makati just to talk to me... How sad. What even makes it more sad is the fact that she was going home later at around 7, and it was only past 4 in the afternoon. I called Mike. He was in Coffee Bean thank God! I had to leave the house which was why i dressed up to go some place even though i didn't know where i was going. I stole Mike from his post for 30 minutes to rant about everything. My new clean slate of not smoking was marred. I bought a pack but which i am still proud to say that i've only opened and used 2 sticks on that day. Oh wait, i did smoke yesterday. Damn.

Mike had to leave and go back to his post, but he knew i was confused with all that's happening. The gist of it? "Handling failure is one thing... but failing someone is another."

That day actually sucked but i got to hung out with more friends i bumped into in the mall. Yesterday, well Don and Jacky are the only one's who understands why my friday turned out nice. Then today happened.

I woke up at 5 a.m. having slept at 12 in the morning trying to catch a glimpse of the Bench Understatement fashion show at the tube. How can i resist hot guys? joke! So i drearily went through as fast as i could, my morning routine which includes not eating breakfast at home. I was really sleepy since i didnt get enough sleep the night before too. It was a 7am call time for Ateneo's Blue Christmas for children. I volunteered as a facilitator. I questioned again why i signed- up in the first place, like why i signed-up to be a facilitator for Ateneo's Alternative Class Program (ACP) anyway? At 7:20, due to my ever so batugan self, i arrived in Xavier hall where all the other volunteers were. I met my group and left after a while to pick up the kids in San Mateo.

There were problems that were fixed immediately, but still cutting us out of our GD with the kids. It was more of a blessing actually. When we arrived at 10:30, we escorted 13 kids to their dance class that an org sponsored. We had to dance. It was a way to make these kids realize it was actually cool to learn dancing in Ateneo. Right. But these kids would sit down when they see you sitting down. So i had to learn the dance. I didn't mind actually. The wave was pretty cool.

At around lunch time i left so i could do an interview. I had asked permission and noted that it was really important, which it was. Really. So i made my way to the Comm department to look for Hans. Kenneth was already there. I tried as much as i could to end early since i had to run back to my post. In less than an hour, i had my interview in a tape. Thank you Kenneth. Oh and yes, Hans looks great! (looks, present participle) Nice legs by the way. Thank you Hans.

when i got back, i saw one of the kids named Jovelyn isolated from the other kids. I asked Jaya, a co-faci why. She said that after i left, the kid wandered off without telling anyone. They all got worried, but at the same time got mad at the fact that she didn't listen to what they were told. It was punishment. Tsk. At this point the kids were already comfortable being around me. Holding my hands, hugging me, talking to me, among others. Jovelyn was one of the closest to me. When everyone had to mobilize out to Bellarmine field she held her arms around my waist tight. Kristine Terible relayed the story of what happened to me on the way there. She even taunted the kid that she missed me so quickly, she ran away. Jovelyn felt a little embarassed as she clutched my arm. They all were malambing. Maybe because they thought i was related to Sandara. Monica, another kid, had been teasing me the whole time that i was Sandara and kept on looking for Hero.

The field was under the blazing sun, and we were all on it. It was a good thing that 3 of my co-faci's had umbrellas to shield the kids from the heat. Yep, we were yaya's. I was ocnstantly fanning them to try to keep them cool. There was a show, inflatable slides and this thing wherein you go inside this giant balloon and jum up and down in it. The kids went wild and ran around the field. We were all watching, making sure that they won't cross the street, or go anywhere else. It got hotter at around 3. Music was playing loudly and the hosts started calling on kids to go on stage. I volunteered 3 from San Mateo to dance, only because they did want to! They backed out saying that they didnt have the song Toxic by Britney Spears. Hmmm. Anyway, we decided that the other Jovelyn would just sing. She sang. Damn did she sing! She had a really nice voice that made us stage momma's and poppa's proud of our alaga. Everyone applauded. And to think she told me ealier that her ambition was to become a singer. How's that for motivation? After the whole activity, we had to part ways. We said our goodbyes, hugged and kissed and led them to the bus and new faci that would take them back home. We couldn't take them ourselves since we were required to stay and clean up. I saw the kids at the side of the bus wherein they yelled their last goodbyes. The singing Jovelyn asked if i was going with ACIL next week to teach them. I meekly replied no, since i wasn't from ACIL. Her face turned to disappointed. I apologized. They asked if i could go with them in the bus, but i had to explain why i couldn't. They are great kids.

"When the kids are away, the grown- ups play!" -- When all of them left, the inflatable slides and vacuum thingy were all ours. We were worse than those kids! We ran towards them when it was announced open for us. And the fact that it took a couple of batches of grown-ups to deflate the slide over the many batches of kids that slid on it. Haha! But the best thing about it? At 5:30 p.m., the lights in Bellarmine field was turned on for the first time... and i was there. As the sun slowly made its way into night, the christmas lights shone brighter and brighter until i finally left at 6:30. It looked like shredded fire pouring down from the trees around Bel. It was definitely something to look forward to in Ateneo.

Even though life may throw me so many things that i feel i can't all catch, i know for a fact that at least life throws me pillows compared to the rocks those unfortunate kids get. Simple things such as christmas lights are one of the few things in life worth stopping for. It's worth stopping stressing and appreciate the little things in life that matters most.

Today may have been one of the longest days of my life, but it was definitely worth every minute of it.

- Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like it's your last.