19

I saw him lying there. He was as much alive as he was when i saw him Tuesday, the day before his surgery.

I remember just staring at him while Ian and Argem started to crack up jokes at the hospital. I didn't know what it was, but yesterday during the first day of his wake i realized that he was frightened.

"So young" i thought. So young...

Day after his surgery, I passed by the ICU to check his status. His childhood friends were there, old neighbors. I went alone but i knew i had to pass by for Ian. When i got there, JP was sleeping. The sight of tubes and electronic devices attached to him made me frantic. I was panicking inside from not knowing what had happened, what's happening or what will happen in the next couple of hours. One of the people there told me that he was going to undergo another surgery, this time to take out the liquid that was in his head.
Though my visit wasn't for my own peace of mind, i couldn't muster up the courage to tell Ian what was happening at that moment. CAT scan... another surgery... liquid in his head... hemmorhage... It was also the time i found out that the surgery he had the day before wasn't for taking out his tumor. It was just another test.

"It was just another test b..." Was all i could say to Ian that night when i passed by Thursday. What do you tell a person who feels like he's losing a baby brother? Somehow i knew it wasn't going to turn out the way everyone wanted to but i was still hopeful as were everyone else that some sort of miracle would happen.

Friday. The whole day was non-stop work. From the moment i parked my car until i submitted our materials to Adboard for Araw Values Awards. Unknown to most of my collegues (with the exception of 2 people), i was already mourning after lunch.
"B, JPs in a comma...and the doctors said even if he wakes up he'll just be a vegetable..." Ian called not knowing what to do. He had already rushed to go to the hospital. "Don't cry na, i've cried too hard already." I could only tell him "ok" during our conversation. But after putting the phone down, i couldn't help it. I cried silently at my desk.

"We're just waiting for him to expire". The words i blocked out from hy head that day as i rushed to get the entries finished in time for my late pm deadline. I was the star AE that night multitasking and keeping calm at my deadline... we could finish it by 8pm i said. I drowned myself with work. I was well covered with it that by 10pm, Ian texted me "Wala na si JP."

I saw him last night. He looked peaceful. It just looked like he was dressed for prom night except for the lipstick on his lips. Peach i think it was. But no girl kissed him. No one could kiss him that night. Seperated by a piece of glass, he just lied there. At 19 he just lied there.


- Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like it's your last.