On screwing up...

It's a really, really, really bad week and today i believe is the worst day...
I hate not being in control of situations. Competent people are those who act like they do but in reality they're just good at explaining logic. Fortuitous elements blah... I hate not being in control, but i hate the idea of screwing up, of failing more.
It's a good thing i got a friend near the my building. I almost cried. ALMOST. But i feel that tomorrow would be the climactic period of this week.
After a much needed hug, and a good peptalk of "It happens to the best people" and "it's not what happened but what you do after that matters" cliches, we parted ways. He then sends me a message that lightened me up...

"Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"

Fete de la Amore...

Last night was Fete de la Musique night at El Pueblo and Podium... It was my first and i think my last time to go to this event. As fun and exciting as it may seem to see the best musicians around in all genres congregate in one place at one time, i'd have to pass. Because for every good thing is a bad thing following closely behind. So while i made my way to the different stages, my friend who was with me lost his cellphone and got a small cut on his forehead. He said that it'll all be complete when he gets his heart broken, which he did by the end of our night... Anyway, we arrived fresh and smelling clean. But by the time we made our way through the crowd we were drenched in sweat... the accumulation of sweat from other people that passed us, including their smell. Not for the unprepared indeed. TJ and Joel met up with us in El Pueblo only knowing that we couldn't bare staying with the overwhelming number of people at Fete. Great work by the way Giselle! woohoo! Congrats! So we made our way back to Alabang to drink and hang out with my barkada. All good. It was midnight already and we weren't even drunk yet. When we got there, i ordered vodka tonic to keep pace with my friends who were not so sober... and believe me the vodka became water...nothing like a steady supply of alcohol... but i wont be drinking again anytime soon. GRABE. For Fete. Wow for the rest of the night. It was certainly an interesting night...

***

When do you cross the line on being friends and lovers? When do you create the line between work and having a relationship? He was a bit guarded that night. Accomodating as usual but was a bit giddy when TJ and Joel arrived. My two kuya's towered in front of me when i introduced them. He was just my friend, my co-worker and they started teasing him as their new brother-in-law. Bwisit. It got me into trouble.

It was 3AM when he took me home. He blabbered until i got impatient and told him to get with it. He paused, and uttered "I really, really like you..." I bit my nails and looked away. This was never my intention. We're friends, co-workers. He held my chin up, "I want to take care of you..." I was speechless. Words i never heard said to me before. It felt nice to be told that. But somehow it didn't feel right. I wanted to hear it, but i don't think i wanted to hear it from him. I apologized, and asked if i had done something for him to realize and say such a thing. Its only been a month. Is he insane? He doesnt know me, he knew that. But he doesn't understand it. I am a trainee. An Accounts trainee. We come from two different worlds that work on the same floor. I reiterated my reasons and he responded that "This isn't highschool Shali, you don't have to sugar coat it for me." I always mean what i say. Proof that he still doesn't know me. I held his hand, "I like you too...but i don't like you enough." was my ethical/personal and bottomline response.

It's not guilt, not apathy, or the feeling of anger, it was a sense of loss. He said he knew he wasn't my type. That he knew what he was getting himself in for. He was bound to hit a wall with me, or so he says. "I still want to be your friend" he said, "I CAN still be your friend." In a worried tone i replied, "Let's be practical, it WILL get awkward. It's not going to be the same."

But inspite of all that, he opens the car door for me and says "I'll still be your friend... but i'll still take care of you..."


-live like there's no tomorrow... love like it's your last...

contra-blurbs

While some things get better and better...

- Live like there's no tomorrow... and lovin' it like it's your last.

blurbs

Some things just ain't fun no more...