Left wanting...and wondering

I was browsing through my journal, the one i used to write on, when i came across an interestin entry. I had written it after visiting Search In in Zobel. I indicated there an excerpt from a prayer made by St. Agustine.

Show me one who loves, and he will understand
Show me one who yearns and thirst
Show me one who in his pilgrimage in this wilderness thirsts and sighs at the Founth of Youth
Show me one such and he will understand.

The prayer's nice, but as i read through my journal entry i had written in the end this...

Show me one who loves...
and i will love him back.

Talk about being sad and left wanting.

I just watched Before Sunset this morning. My friend TJ over dinner last night thought it was apt for me. harhar. What struck me the most was when Celine muttered something about memories, and pasts.

"Memories are good, it's having to deal with the past thats the problem."

Maybe memories should be left as memories.

- Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like it's your last.

Goodbye to Sex and the City

I just watched the final episodes of Sex and the City. As emotionally demented as it may sound, i cried.

Sometimes we forget the real important things in life. I know that some of our friends seems embarassing, sometimes annoying but it can't be helped at times. When worse comes to worse, or even when the silliest things occur, you run to them.

Maybe Charlotte is right. Maybe your demented girlfriends are your soulmates and all the other guys out there are just... flings.

So to those of you reading this, i say kudos to Sex and the City...

and more importantly, kudos to my girlfriends.

- Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like it's your last.

Me and my brother 

ROWR!!! 

i love them... i love them all!!!

shoes! glorious shoes...

What we were

Perhaps, after all romance did not come to one's life with pomp and blare, like a gay knight riding down; Perhaps it crept to one's side like an old friend through quiet ways; Perhaps it revealed itself in seeming prose, until some sudden shaft of illumination flung athwart its pages betrayed the rhythm and the music; Perhaps...Perhaps... Love unfolded naturally out of a beautiful friendship, as a golden- hearted rose slipping from its green sheath. -"Anne of Avonlea"

Those were the best 6 months of my life too.

- Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like it's your last.

Unbelievable

click on title to view other photos of christmas party!!! Hot chikas on the prowl!!!
- Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like it's your last.

Hot girls on a cold night!!! Joyce, wish you were here!!! 

barkadings christmas party in Merville!!! 

Christmas wish #1

I want to meet Mr. Scrooge

Visit from the past

Over the weekend I had a surprise call from my ex. It startled me but late that Friday night I couldn’t sleep thinking about you-know-who. We talked for what seemed like an hour. He was having trouble with his new girlfriend. Tsk. I felt sorry for the guy and at the same time hate for the girl. It sucks knowing that I took care of him and she’s not… oh well, karma. So I guess the eternal question of “can you be friends with your ex?” has been answered. It takes a long time to be friends again. But liberating now that we are. It’s funny that I’m single and he’s not but it was actually ok we talked. I just hope everything turns out well for him.

- Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like it's your last.

Being sick

After my very glamorous departure from Nanay Bing’s house, (please refer to previous entry) I seem to have brought home with me something other than what Nanay gave. Wednesday night I started experiencing stomachaches. I was sick as hell. Puking everything I ate and drank. I saw all my meals that Wednesday on the latrine. Thursday was spent doing nothing but sleeping. And when I say nothing I literally mean nothing. I didn’t eat anything that day. Drinking water in itself made me want to vomit. I was sick that much. I refused to be sick for the next day. I still had my part to write for our IP paper. But when Friday came I decided, with the full support of my parents of course, not to spend the night with my other group mates. I don’t think they’d appreciate my current situation at that time. So after some medicines, and more medicines I can honestly say I’m fine now. Add to that the fact that I’ve actually talked to him already over YM makes the world seem brighter. I think I just found that spring in my steps again.

- Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like it's your last.

Living with Nanay Bing

We sat on the floor in a small classroom. It was almost 11 in the morning when we arrived in Towerville, Bulacan riding a jeepney. We were all tired from the bumpy travel and the cool breeze all the more helped in pulling us to take a nap on the floor. The so-called "presidents" of some of the villages we were gonna stay in the area welcomed us apart from the number of women and children outside the classroom. Later, we were told that they would be our foster mothers.

There was a sudden hush from everyone when our moderator asked how we were going to be "distributed" to our families. We were scared on the situation we would be facing. We settled it by drawing lots. Me and Cris, my partner, got Nanay Bing.

We made our way to Nanay Bing's house. It was a long walk from the English village to the Thomasian village where she lived. The sun seemed to have been taunting as it slowly became hotter and hotter as we walked. When we turned to their street, I eyed a colorful cemented house ahead. Thinking that it wasn't going to be all that bad, i was proven wrong when Nanay Bing stopped and pointed to her right her house. It was all a blur at first but when things started to get clearer, I saw a small house made out of scrap wood with a tin roof on top. She opened the door and to our surprise there was no floor except for the ground. We quickly made our way in smiling making sure that Nanay Bing wouldn't notice our shock. We put down our bags on an elevated plywood which served as their bed and quickly scanned the small shack while Nanay Bing scurried at the back looking at what we could eat for lunch. This was the first day of my immersion.

We quickly got comfortable around her and vice versa. She was a very talkative lady. She carried with her her son Nino, a year old this December 26. She has other 3 children, 2 boys and 1 girl who are living with her mother in the province. We found out that she went to Manila to be with her husband while he's looking for work. At that time, he was driving as extra for a small taxi company. We spent most of that day hanging out. We watched a volleyball game at another village (which was actually a very, very, VERY long walk from our village). When we got back, we ate lunch with Nanay Bing's kapitbahay and closest friend. The neighbor had two immersees and along with her children we ate Nanay bing's mongo. This is quite a revelation since i rarely eat vegetables. It was doable though and got through it without vomiting.

Before we left for our 4:00 p.m. meeting to help build houses, we went down to view the river. I was taken back at what i saw. The water was clean that you can see the rocks underneath. The water was streaming fast and we sat on the rocks while we dipped our feet on the river. It was a natural foot spa. The water was cool and made the hot afternoon bearable. We left a little before 4 to make our way back to the little classroom.

We were supposed to help build the center at Japan village but when we went there the structure was already finished. We went on top of the newly built center and got to view one of the most breath taking site. It was Sierra Madre. It was a sea of grass and trees and below were small houses. The wind blew cool air which made me want to smoke at that point.

When we got back to our little house, we saw that our lights weren't turned on, as well as some of the house on our street. Nanay apologized for the lights because they didn't have electricity at that time. They used "jumpers" for their electricity and for some reason, it "sparked" the other night leaving them with no electricity. Great. As we looked at the back of the house we saw Nanay, cooking our rice under a fire. No gas burner here. We also noticed she didn't have any form of bathroom, not even a hole i usually see in the provinces. No floor, no electricity, no bathroom. We dealt with it fine. We were uninvited guests in her house. After our meal we made our way to Lola's house (as we'd call her). She was Nanay Bing's well-off neighbor. Lola's daughter just came back from Singapore and had bags of chocolate covered almonds. Fabulous. but after eating what we brought at Nanay Bing's house we couldn't eat any more. Lola insisted though. Sitting beside her on the bed with Cris while watching the last episode of "It Might Be you", she fills a huge bowl with all those chocolates and hands them to me. I passed it around. I think she kinda got pissed at the fact i handed it out to Nanay, her neighbor and her children. They got handfuls of it to take home and another handful to eat while watching. In less than 10 minutes, the bowl was empty. Lola stopped handing me food.

We slept on the elevated plywood. Nanay insisted we did since we were guest while she settled for a used door she used to put on the ground. She added an old cushion on top for her bed. Like any mother, she put up a kulambo for us to keep the mosquitoes away. She set up one too for her and the baby. Before we could get into our deep sleep, Nino,the baby, started crying again. He was sick. Cris and I think it's actually eumonia. You could describe Nino's crying as more like shrieking. The whole night. I pretended to be asleep, and i knew Cris was too. One of Nanay's neighbor was yelling "Tulog! Nino!", and then started yelling at his wife who wasn't there. After a while i heard Nanay sniffing. She was crying. I'm just guessing that it was because she couldn't do anything about Nino crying. I couldn't help it. I faced the wall and cried myself quietly to sleep.

After that night everything went well. We went to Malolos for a family day the Couples for Christ gave the people of Towerville. Tatay Loy came back from his work early in the morning. At that place, i truly felt like i was part of the urban poor. Wearing a scruffy t-shirt, and loose jogging pants with my sandals, some of the well- off volunteers refused to look me in the eye. Some knew some of us were Ateneo students like the lady selling the barbeque. When we ate there, she served us huge portions of rice. More than what we usually eat. But then i heard that when one of the Nanays bought there, she was only served almost half a cup of rice for her meal. Like what i told Kuya Art and Kuya Ariel (the moderators), if there's a preferential option for the poor, there would be too a preferential option for the rich. Two sides of a coin. "Dualism" as Kuya Ariel mentioned.

It was a great experience. Something i would surely remember for the rest of my life. On our last night together as a family, Tatay Loy mentioned something so substantial that he doesn't even know it. I was washing the dishes outside with Cris, when she asked me to look up in the sky. The night never showed more stars than it did in that place. Cris got excited and asked Nanay and Tatay to look up too. Tatay asked Cris "Anu ba yan?" (What is it?). Cris said "Ang daming bituin! Walang ganito sa amin." (There are so many stars! We don't have it at our place). "Ay oo. Ganyan talaga di mo makikita sa Maynila yan. Masyado kasing maraming ilaw nakakalimutan na may langit pala. " (Ah yes. You won't see that in Manila. There are too many lights there that you forget there's a heaven.)

- Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like it's your last.

All is fair in Love and War

Randomly i came across her page and it seemed unfair that they're happy. They're together now and looking at their picture gave me this drowning feeling inside. My heart beat faster and a certain anxiety came over me. There's still no yearning for him to go back. For some reason i still don't want him. But why did i feel this way? I started rambling, talking to myself to drowning whatever i felt through more work. I hated it. I hated the fact that he was happy. How could he? He doesn't deserve it! But whatever i seem to say words keep popping in my head-- "All is fair in love and war". Dammit! That cliche holds so much truth in it. As i write on my little blog, i know someone out there is breaking up with someone, or is two-timing their girlfriend or boyfriend. Shit like these happen all the time. I'm not any different.

But what's wierd about it is i actually like the girl. I met her when my ex and i were still together. The wierdest thing about it was when we broke up, she told my ex that "kung magiging kayo in the future... magiging kayo". Hah! I still find it unfair though. What is fair anyway? Some people actually think i'm guilty of this too. I guess it's just the fact that this is my first time to have to deal with an ex. Ateneo is known for being rational, sometimes too rational i think. But its a gift rather than a curse. I actually think i've grown fond of it. Maybe emotion is obsolete, or at least it should be. All those days or nights crying can be spent on more productive aspects like work. Decisions are made, problems addressed and actions are pursued. Some of these words could even be too deep for him. jk. We cope in a lot of ways and i find reason a more consistent get-me-upper.

As joyce would probably say "DEAL". True that girl... true that.

- Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like it's your last.

One of those days

I had to leave school at 6:30 pm because of my orientation for immersion this weekend. It was from 4:30-6:00 pm. However, my last class ended at 1:30pm. This meant i had to wait until 4:30.

I had to hitch at the 6:30 trip for carpool to go home. We were 9 excluding the driver and we all squeezed in a pajero.

The road going to the Pasig flyover was traffic.

C5 exit was traffic because South Super Highway was traffic.

It took us 2 hours to get near the Alabang exit.

I was very very VERY hungry.

Then we found out the car didn't have e-pass. An essential tool for carpool.

It wasn't such a hassel since we were moving at the toll gate.

We were already along Commerce avenue, the street in front of the village when we suddenly realize the car didn't have an Alabang sticker either!

It was so near yet so far!

After all this, all we each got was balot from our Mother Goose Alex. Don't ask.

All on a monday night

- Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like it's your last.

Picture at my cousin's wedding held at St. James...

A Political Question

These past few weeks have been terrible throughout the world-- War in Fallujah, deaths brought by successive typhoons in the Philippines. Through it all, one may ask if the world is slowly consuming itself with injustices. Over the news, from television to Time magazine, shocking revelations in Fallujah have been constantly reviewed. More specifically, the news focused on the marine killing a supposedly an unarmed insurgent.
I asked a US navy friend of mine about the incident in Fallujah, on why such an abomination occurred. He answered in defense of his colleagues. “In war, It’s either kill—or be killed.” As a civilian, though far away from Fallujah, such statement seems cruel. But in reality, we are faced in a world where war does not recognize morals but survival. I have never killed anyone before nor do I intend to in the future, but looking at it in the viewpoint of a soldier in battle, I would say I could. In a highly stressful position where your enemies can take form of any gender or age, and where at any time they can attack, your weapon is your closest friend. “Every trip “outside the wire” brings the possibility of attack from any direction, from people who look like everyday citizens and from everyday objects—cars, oilcans, dead animals, even human beings—refashioned into bombs. “It’s relentless,”… “From the moment you arrive ‘til the moment you leave, you’re in danger.””
I don’t approve of killing, but these soldiers are not only fighting for their country but also for their own lives. They are truly heroes in their own right but I am still however, bothered why they have to fight for another man’s war?

Credits:
Zabriskie, Phil. “Wounds That don’t Bleed”. pp. 36- 38. November 29,2004 issue. TIME Magazine.

- Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like it's your last.

Wednesday Mass

I just came from first wednesday mass.

I gave thanks for getting through with flying colors these past couple of days...
Asked forgiveness for neglect and rudeness...
Asked for patience and understanding of others and situations...
and asked for STRENGTH and HOPE for the future...
and blessings to all my loved ones... and even enemies...

I like going to church...

- Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like it's your last.