to eat or not to eat....that is the question

My friends and i vowed never to gain weight as we get older. One of them even shared that once you turn 16, the baby fat you don't shed will be harder to take off.

I'm now 10lbs heavier... and a testament to my friends warning.

Working odd hours (and im not talking about being in a call center), i have no time (nor the energy) to get exercise. Last time i went to a gym was in 4th year college, right before i started working. Unfortunately, the time i was most fit was the last time i ever saw myself with abs.

Though i'd hate to admit it, all those advertisements that you see everywhere (billboards, TVCs, etc) are starting to affect me. I get bothered and ask myself, "why do i look like this if i can look like that?!" Hell, if Don Zulueta can do it why can't i?

Then you realize the practicality of it all. People spend tens of thousands just avail of it. If you see the endorsers, and check what they do everyday... well, they don't do much. All those money with nothing to do. It's a luxury i tell you.

So why am i bothered so much? Am i being pulled in by trend? Am i getting old? or am i just really getting fat?

Many would say the latter. I dont blame them. But having my own money to spend sets me off to constantly pamper myself-- in other words eat! Why settle for fast food when you can splurge during lunch?

I'm still not sure. Maybe they were just good ads.



- Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like it's your last.

19

I saw him lying there. He was as much alive as he was when i saw him Tuesday, the day before his surgery.

I remember just staring at him while Ian and Argem started to crack up jokes at the hospital. I didn't know what it was, but yesterday during the first day of his wake i realized that he was frightened.

"So young" i thought. So young...

Day after his surgery, I passed by the ICU to check his status. His childhood friends were there, old neighbors. I went alone but i knew i had to pass by for Ian. When i got there, JP was sleeping. The sight of tubes and electronic devices attached to him made me frantic. I was panicking inside from not knowing what had happened, what's happening or what will happen in the next couple of hours. One of the people there told me that he was going to undergo another surgery, this time to take out the liquid that was in his head.
Though my visit wasn't for my own peace of mind, i couldn't muster up the courage to tell Ian what was happening at that moment. CAT scan... another surgery... liquid in his head... hemmorhage... It was also the time i found out that the surgery he had the day before wasn't for taking out his tumor. It was just another test.

"It was just another test b..." Was all i could say to Ian that night when i passed by Thursday. What do you tell a person who feels like he's losing a baby brother? Somehow i knew it wasn't going to turn out the way everyone wanted to but i was still hopeful as were everyone else that some sort of miracle would happen.

Friday. The whole day was non-stop work. From the moment i parked my car until i submitted our materials to Adboard for Araw Values Awards. Unknown to most of my collegues (with the exception of 2 people), i was already mourning after lunch.
"B, JPs in a comma...and the doctors said even if he wakes up he'll just be a vegetable..." Ian called not knowing what to do. He had already rushed to go to the hospital. "Don't cry na, i've cried too hard already." I could only tell him "ok" during our conversation. But after putting the phone down, i couldn't help it. I cried silently at my desk.

"We're just waiting for him to expire". The words i blocked out from hy head that day as i rushed to get the entries finished in time for my late pm deadline. I was the star AE that night multitasking and keeping calm at my deadline... we could finish it by 8pm i said. I drowned myself with work. I was well covered with it that by 10pm, Ian texted me "Wala na si JP."

I saw him last night. He looked peaceful. It just looked like he was dressed for prom night except for the lipstick on his lips. Peach i think it was. But no girl kissed him. No one could kiss him that night. Seperated by a piece of glass, he just lied there. At 19 he just lied there.


- Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like it's your last.

Post Halloween thoughts

It's 3 in the morning and im awake. Since it seems that i wont be sleeping anytime soon, i thought i'd start writing on my blog.

Halloween was such a hassle for me. I stayed late in the office as expected. Ian and i thought we'd both be OTing but he finished early... like 4pm. At the time, i was still in a shoot that just started.

I ended leaving at 10pm. Tired and frustrated in missing my first Halloween in Alabang, i rushed to BF to at least get some semblance of a life. When i got to ian's house, i found him drawing another page of Skyworld. After much excitement of seeing each other, he went back to his drawing "table" while i surfed his cable. An hour later, with in between KSP moments on my end, my phone rings. My mom.

Thoughts of her nagging again brought me down. Ian wanted me to pick up but i figured, she's probably mad whether i answer or not so i won't answer it to reduce the hassle of my day...
But not soon after i left. It was such a long and tiring day knowing that people already left after lunch and i was at work trying to be oblivious to my surroundings. I just wanted to go home and sleep the rest of day off.

I shouldn't have called my mom on the way home. Such a hassle.

When i got home, i had to parallel park. My mom was pushing me to entertain the guests. (Why does she tell me to entertain them when 1. i don't know them, 2. i'm tired, 3. i wasnt the one who invited them!

I was so angsty by the time i got home i was looking for the beer my lola kept. Unfortunately, "they" already drank it. I had to make do with bad wine.

Stress is high for me right now. Funny thing is its from my personal life rather than work. There are just too much things in my head right now... which is why im still up.

I need to buy v's...

- Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like it's your last.