falling in love twice...

It's already past 1 in the morning. I just got home. After work, i decided to pass by Mr. Ayson's wake at the Memorial. Rica texted me earlier telling me about the news of Pam's father. He passed away this morning.
Ian was the one who took me home. He agreed to pass by. I finally got to introduce him to my highschool friends.
We didn't stay for long, since we didn't know them that well, but Pam was still considered a friend, and a loss like that deserves some respect.
After saying our condolence, Ian and i made our way to Alabang. But along the way we were exchanging stories about our past. While i lived a more humdrum life of studying (well mostly), his was more colorful. It was filled with fights, rebellious nature and a whole lot of angst. We were two different people. It's a huge question mark why we got together in the first place.
When we got to the village i told him that i didn't want to go home yet. The conversation was going so well we decided to hang out at Petron... Yeah, the place to be, whoopie doo... He drank some beer, i drank my cherry coke and he poured out his self to me.
He told me everything, even things his own mother and sister didnt know about. Secrets that were vital and only a few knew. He told me about his family, his dark past and his discipline in martial arts. It was like reading a book. An entire entity apart from my own.
I was used to being around people whom i had a background of. A friend of a friend, but never a stranger. I knew nothing about him or was close to anyone who knew him.
His past was dark, ugly even. You'd be scared for me. But i always thought that the past, no matter how bad or good helps in molding who you are at present. I didn't care. In a wierd way, i was glad it happened cause i wouldn't be with the man im in love with right now if it wasn't for that past.
He was scared that i might look at him differently, that i might get turned off. On the contrary, i admire him more now. To have to go through what he did and survived with such pride exceeds any nobel prize winner.
I was amazed at his stories. I realized then what i didn't understand in college-- how the "other" is also related to mystery which translates to the greatest relationship ever.
Here is a person, totally unique from me. Different schools, location, preference, friends and memories... all these separate from what i have, what i've gone through. I'm scared because i have not clear idea on who he is, not even a deep and concise background and yet i'm drawn at that very fact that i don't know him.
When he tells me all these things about his life, i listen intently like a child being told a bed time story. Though his stories have gruesome plots frightening to some, i sat there engrossed and excited. It was a mixture of emotions. Part of me wanted to runaway, but the other that was stronger wanted to stay and learn more about the individual that was in front of me.
Unfortunately, my body gave up. My eyes were slowly drowsing.
After he took me home, i told him i loved him... but that i was falling for him more because of his past no matter how ugly he says it was.

- Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like it's your last.

almost like forever

I jsut got home from a 4-day stay in the hospital. Been having fevers on and off for days before that. It was painful. there were times that i'd cry in bed cause i was scared. i didnt know what was happening or why it was happening, doctors at that time couldnt tell either. i was crying because of the excruciating pain in my head. it wouldn't stop. it didnt even budge. i lay there for 4 days. weak, unable to work or help in anything. i liked the idea of a break, but i was thinking more on the lines of a beach setting rather than hospital room.

through the days one thing kept constant. Ian was there. Stayed until late to make sure i was ok. Worry-wart. But you could see the honest concern on his face. Night before i "checked-in", he rushed me to the clinic cause my fever broke out again. i only went to work for 1 day last week. i wouldnt call it my finest hour. Alas, my prince charming was so confused he almost forgot to make a turn on my street to bring me home. But i'm so grateful to him, as well as Claire and TJ who passed by. All of them worried. Maybe thats the reason why i didnt tell people. I didn't tell ian i was confined last thursday until after office hours. That got him more worried. Oh well.

I still wont be goin to work tom. im taking one more day off to settle. I still feel a bit sick. Plus, ian would kill me again if i insist. He said his girlfriends head is made out of adamantium (try surfing it over the internet). Tigas raw kasi ng ulo ko. which i believe.

The pain almost felt like forever, but his presence made me feel like it never existed in the first place.

- Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like it's your last.